Ugh. You have a coworker who’s undermining you. That sucks. I know you might feel exhausted or exasperated by it, but this is NOT the time to sit back or accept that “it is what it is.” This is the time to get in the driver’s seat.
Let’s take five common examples of undermining behaviors and create a plan you can use to stop their dastardly deeds as quickly as possible.
Underminer Behavior #1: Speaking Poorly of You to Others
What if they speak poorly of you to other people? In that case, you can take a direct approach by saying, “I heard that you told the team that I wouldn’t be a good person to lead the project. What makes you say that?”
Take in what they say in response. If there’s some truth to it — or at least a reasonable concern — tell them you’d appreciate it if they would raise these issues with you directly so you have an opportunity to address them. Underminers like this are passive-aggressive and don’t like when you ask them to answer for their behavior.
Side note: This form of undermining also means you need to bolster your relationships with other colleagues so that attempts to undermine you reflect poorly on your desperate colleague, not on you.
Underminer Behavior #2: Excluding You From Discussions
Another passive-aggressive underminer move is to exclude you from a discussion you should be a part of. Again, strong relationships with your other colleagues will go a long way here.
You might want to give them a heads up: “I heard that Richard is trying to call a meeting about the ACME project. Could you please make sure that doesn’t happen without me?” If a meeting does go ahead without you, talk to the person directly and tell them that you needed to be part of the conversation. Reconvene the group to have the discussion again. That should be punishment enough for your teammates to make sure you’re included next time.
Underminer Behavior #3: Contradicting You on Your Areas of Expertise
Some underminers are more bold. They might contradict you directly when you’re the one with the expertise. In that case, make them do the work. “What makes you say that?” or “I based my recommendation on these data — what’s the basis for your contradictory recommendation?”
Underminer Behavior #4: Making Decisions That Were Yours to Make
It’s even more bold if they make a decision that you believe is yours to make. In that case, ask your manager who owns the decision — ideally in a forum where the underminer is present. “I want to clarify who is supposed to be making this decision.”
Stick to the facts and be sure not to sound whiny, but do tell your manager if the person has communicated a decision that you didn’t make, and ask the manager to step in to clarify who holds the D — as they say.
Underminer Behavior #5: Taking Credit for Your Work
The most blatant, ballsy underminers skip all those other steps and step in to take credit for your work. If that happens, share your displeasure directly — underminers are just wimpy bullies, so taking the direct approach is the best way to discourage them from their bad behavior. You can also share your disappointment with your colleagues and ask your manager for advice about how to get credit for your work.
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Trying not to rock the boat is only going to show the underminer that you’re a safe target. Be calm, be clear, and be courageous. Tell your underminer to dig elsewhere.