So, your coworkers are talking behind your back. How mature… Maybe it’s time to buy some camo and spring out at them from behind the bushes. No. No, it’s not. While it’s tempting to fight fire with fire, trying to take them down is only going to make it worse. Sadly, this is one of those occasions when the high road really is the only way to go.
Find Someone You Trust
First, find someone you trust. Share your concern that people are talking about you and ask for their intel. Is it true? Have they heard it? What are they saying?
Ask What You Needed to Hear
Next, ask this question. You might not like the answer, but it’s important. Ask the person you trust, “What of that did I need to hear?” Just asking that question will show that you’re the grown-up in the crowd — the one who’s willing to be vulnerable while the rest of them are gossiping about you.
Take It Back to the Source
If you get something valuable from that conversation, you can use it to open up a discussion with the person or people who’ve been talking behind your back. You might say, “I was feeling like there was a conversation going on without me, and Jenna shared with me that I’ve been pushing too hard on my project to the detriment of others. I’d like to hear your feedback.” Then encourage them to share these kinds of things with you next time.
Bring It Into the Room
Another path, if it continues, is to ask your manager if there are opportunities to encourage more dissent in your meetings so there’s a forum to discuss the issues directly. Share that you’re worried issues are being discussed in subgroups where there isn’t a chance for everyone to share their perspective. You don’t have to name anyone or even complain about people talking behind your back. Just stay focused on getting the uncomfortable conversations to happen in the room.
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It’s possible that none of this works and your juvenile colleagues keep talking about you when you’re not in the room. At that point, it’s really about them, not you. They’re making their bad choices. I know that doesn’t seem like much consolation, but really, it is.