Are you struggling at work? And by struggling, I mean more than just thinking it’s Thursday on a Tuesday or sending emails without the attachment. I mean struggling so that you can’t keep up, and your job is affecting your mood, your energy, and your self-esteem. When it gets to that point, it’s important to make changes that’ll help you do more than just cope. It’s not healthy to be in survival mode too long. You don’t want to keep struggling in silence.
It probably means it’s time for a conversation with your boss. But what do you say so your boss doesn’t think less of you? Or get angry with you? How do you make things better, not worse!? Here are the steps you can take to tell your boss you’re struggling
1. Prepare
First, this is a conversation you want to prepare for. It’s going to come out better, and you’re more likely to stay in control if you’ve thought about what you want to say (and what you don’t want to say) in advance. Preparing starts with processing your emotional state. What does “struggling” mean in your case?
Maybe you’re feeling frustrated with yourself for not being able to keep up. Or maybe it’s a different story you’re telling yourself, like you’re not smart enough, or the workload is unreasonable or has been spread unfairly, and you’re SICK AND TIRED OF MINDI LETTING SUNDIP GET AWAY WITH DOING NOTHING!!!!
If you’re in the emotional phase, get on top of your feelings before communicating with your manager. Ask yourself, “What’s causing me to feel this way?” When I say “feel this way,” I mean what’s going on in your body. Is your heart racing, palms sweating, attention darting around like a zebra cornered by a lion on the savannah? And then ask yourself the next question: Are those reactions legitimate, or is your brain overreacting?
- Is it really impossible to get the important work done, OR are you trying to swallow the elephant all at once?
- Are you really incapable of doing the work or will it just take a little while to learn the new software?
- Do your teammates really dislike you, or are they just wrapped up in their own dramas?
This is where it can be helpful to have a friend you trust to share what you’re experiencing and get some help to calibrate your reactions. It’s also where taking a walk or “sleeping on it” can help separate your immediate reactions from the enduring issues.
The key thing here is to make sure you’ve explored the emotional territory and excavated any deep, dark caves before you go opening up to your boss.
2. Get Specific
If you go to your boss saying you’re “overworked,” or “under-prepared,” or “not getting cooperation from your teammates,” you’ll sound like you’re complaining. You’ll also leave it up to them to interpret the real issue. Unfortunately, your boss might not come to the conclusions you’re hoping for.
Instead of being too general, give specific examples of what’s causing you problems: “I’ve been monitoring, and my caseload has gone from 45 cases a month to over 60 cases a month with no additional resources.” What you’ll notice here is that there’s not much subjectivity. You’re spitting facts, which are easier for a manager to deal with than generalizations.
Here are a couple more examples: “When Frank left the company, I took on his Accounts Receivable work and I’m not able to get it done on top of my original responsibilities.” “To deliver on my due dates, I need materials from the team by Wednesday each week, and I have been getting things on Thursday or Friday every week since December.”
Pick the most important and impactful issue. If you need to, add a second problem that exacerbates the first, but DO NOT share any more than two issues in one conversation. It’s going to sound like nothing is working and perhaps leave the impression that you’re in too deep a hole to dig out from.
3. Stay Accountable
The next part is really important. Don’t dump your problems on your boss and wait for them to fix it. First, they probably don’t have a better answer than you do. And second, YOU want to stay as the hero of the story. Sure, your manager can be Yoda, but you still want to be Luke Skywalker. That’s why you need to be the one to frame the question.
Having a couple of questions ready is another key part of your preparation: “I’d like to talk about how we can triage the caseload differently.” “What are our options for managing accounts receivable so they don’t detract from my ability to do the purchasing work?”
You’ve enlisted your boss’ help to solve the underlying issue. The key to this approach is that you’re sharing your struggle and asking for help, but you AREN’T transferring the responsibility to your boss, which might make them feel you’re not up to the job. You’re sharing your vulnerability without eroding your accountability… That’s the formula you’re looking for.
4. End Strong
Once you’ve talked through the options, end strong. Close with a statement that reinforces all these ideas: that you’re committed, you’re accountable, but you’re struggling and need some help. Something like, “I’m struggling right now, but I really want to be successful in this role, and I’m going to make the changes to ensure that happens. I really appreciate your help and support.”
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Here’s the super important thing: doing this work to prepare will already put you in a better headspace and help you feel less overwhelmed. You’ll have better perspective on the magnitude of the issues, you’ll be more aware of what’s triggering the problems and how you might minimize their impact, and you’ll be demonstrating to yourself that you CAN make things better. That’s coming from a position of strength.