I talk a lot about how people respond to negative emotions at work. But what about positive emotions? How you react to your colleague’s good news can be just as vital to healthy team relationships as what you do when they take a hissy fit. Here are some quick tips on making the most of positive emotions at work.
Notice
First… Notice! There’s nothing worse than coming into the office, walking on a cloud, bursting to share some exciting news when no one even lifts their head to greet you. Make an effort to pick up cues and create opportunities for your colleagues to share good news. And that’s not just when they’re dying to tell you about their amazing client feedback… you can create an opportunity for good news by asking them what they’re most excited about this week, or what they’re most proud of at the end of a project. Create opportunities for people to let you in on their good news… when you do, it strengthens your connection.
Make Sense of Your Reactions
Next… Make Sense of your reactions to other people’s positive emotions and good news Decide what story you’re telling yourself. Are you envious of their success? Feeling derision about their choice of thing to be happy about? Or are you feeling Joy at being able to share in their good mood? This step is really important because it’s where you realize you have a choice about whether to join in the positive emotions or turn them into something negative. If your default is to react negatively, think about what’s going on for you. What needs aren’t being met and how could you get the support that you need so you’re in a position to join in the positive feelings rather than squashing them?
Empathize
Finally, empathize with the person… try validating what they’re feeling. “Wow, I’m so glad that you’re feeling so optimistic” or “You’ve really earned that. I know you worked so hard and it’s great that it turned out that way.” You can even go further by sharing their good news with someone else. Bring it up at a meeting. Draw someone else into a hallway conversation to get that positive emotional contagion to spread as far as possible!
Watch for Toxic Positivity
Now, let’s throw in one caveat. Not all positive emotion is healthy. It’s possible you have a toxicly positive coworker who only ever wants to talk about the good stuff and who chronically underestimates risks and issues. If that’s the case, it’s ok to validate the positive things, but then ask them about the other side of the coin. If they can’t or won’t take a more balanced perspective, share some feedback about the impact it’s having on you and the team.
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Ok, toxic positivity aside, there’s enough stress and grumpiness in the workplace these days. If somebody’s got something good going on, get on that train.