Are you someone who hates conflict? If the thought of conflict scares you, makes your palms sweat, your stomach churn, or keeps you awake at night, then you need conflict much more often and much more quickly than the average person. This may sound paradoxical, but if you’re someone who doesn’t like conflict, confronting it directly is often the best approach.
Confront Conflict Head On
Years ago I had a bad experience with a dentist after falling and breaking my teeth. I had to have them fixed, which was a really unpleasant and painful experience that left me with a deep fear of the dentist—associating dental visits with discomfort and distress. I was so afraid that I avoided going to the dentist throughout my teenage years and into my twenties. Well, we all know what happens when you avoid the dentist. Eventually, you get a toothache that you can’t ignore, and then you’re forced to go to the dentist because you’ve let the situation deteriorate to the point of being unhealthy. That’s what happens with conflict.
When you realize that if you get regular cleanings, minor problems like cavities will be caught early and it won’t be a big deal to fix them. But if you ignore that cavity, it’s likely to become an abscess and you’ll eventually need a root canal.
The same is true with conflict.
If you try to ignore conflict, it won’t miraculously go away. For example, if someone keeps calling you something like “sweetie” and it makes you uncomfortable, simply ignoring it won’t make it stop. You’ll still hear it over and over again. That’s not less conflict, it’s more conflict.
Address the Conflict Source Early
If you see that someone has a flaw in their plan, but you hesitate to speak up because you don’t feel you have enough power to say anything, or don’t want to embarrass them in front of others, the problem you identified could likely have been addressed at that moment.
By keeping quiet and not addressing the problem early you risk the plan failing. And if the plan goes ahead and blows up in everyone’s face, it could lead to even more unpleasant conflict. You may even get blamed for it, even though it wasn’t your plan in the first place. Trying to avoid immediate conflicts may ultimately result in much larger conflicts later on.
There are numerous scenarios where avoiding conflict in the short term, whether opting for the easier path in how someone treats you, neglecting to provide necessary feedback, advocating for resources, or something you need to be successful, is kind of like avoiding a dental cleaning or checkup. It’s not fun and it’s initially uncomfortable, but addressing these issues early prevents more serious problems down the line, much like avoiding a root canal.
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If you don’t like conflict, address it promptly when it’s not a big deal, before people get fully invested in things, before the pain and anguish of resenting someone festers into something really ugly. Addressing the issue quickly is like getting a little flossing in every day. Tackle issues with small, manageable conflicts and you’ll never have to have a root canal!
There are so many more things to think about like why we avoid conflict and how we can go through it more effectively so that it’s not so awful, so check this out.
The Importance of Conflict Resolution at Work
How to Tell if Your Work Conflict is Healthy